I don't post to this blog anymore however I wanted to share with you all my new Facebook page.  In honor of my mother, who I lost two years ago Monday, I am opening up my own children's clothing website.  I would love for you you all to follow me on Facebook.  Once I reach 100 likes I will be giving one lucky winner a $25.00 VISA gift card!  Come check it out!

The last few months have been a whirlwind.  In fact when I look back I can't even believe it is my life.  On February 24th my hero, my best friend my mother lost her battle with breast cancer.  I was with her when she took her last breath and it was by far the hardest moment of my entire life.

This picture was taken 6 days before she died and it was one of the best weekends.  I really thought we had more time, but God had other plans.  I miss her more and more everyday.  People keep telling me with time it will get easier but I don't believe them.  I live 635 miles away from parents so not seeing them every day is normal for me...what I struggle with is not talking to her.  I talked to her every single day and not hearing her voice is tearing me up inside. 

I was living in the wonderful land of denial until this past Thursday when it hit me that I would be heading back up to Ohio to visit my dad for Spring Break.  This will be the first time that I go home and I won't see my mom's beautiful smiling face waiting for me at the door or sitting on the front porch.  I will get there and the house will be empty.  My dad will be at work and my sisters will be at a birthday party.  I will get there and it will be just me and the kids to face probably the third hardest day of this whole thing.  I have a huge amount of anxiety and my stomach pains have returned because of it.  I would call my mom and tell her but she isn't here so I am going to blog about it...I don't know what else to do.

If I were a selfish person (which I am not) I would not go and wait a few more months, but I know my dad needs me.  In fact he called me yesterday to tell me how excited he was that we were coming.  I don't think he likes being in the house without my mom either so he is looking forward to the company.  I promised him I would make the cole slaw and cucumbers that mom always made.  She gave me her recipes last summer and I am so grateful to have those.  I think those were two of her most favorite things to make for my dad...well that and Boston Cream Pie...but I have no idea how to make that so he is out of luck. 

About 3 years ago my mother in law bought me a sewing machine for Christmas. Then she took me shopping and she got me everything I would need to get started.  Only I never started!  I don't really know why other than I was very unorganized and always seemed to be too busy to actually get started.

Well last Friday I went on Etsy and found a few skirt patterns that said they were great for beginners.  I bought those patterns and then Maiya and I headed to the fabric store stores!  On my first attempt I messed up and cut the fabric in the wrong spot.  So I tried again and I have to say for my first time it wasn't too bad.  The pattern was easy and now I have actually made 3 skirts and I can definitely see improvements.  

I have now become addicted.  I am constantly on Etsy looking at patterns and I LOVE looking at fabric.  With a little girl who loves to dress up it will be a lot cheaper for me to make them then to buy them.  I usually spend anywhere from $1.50-$4.00 for enough fabric to make her skirt and I figure to make her a dress it would be between $4.00-$8.00 still way cheaper than buying these things in a store. 

By summer time my goal will be to have made her enough skirts, Capri's and dresses that the only thing I will have to buy her are shirts.  Then by the end of summer I want to have perfected the ruffle pants!  I love ruffle pants but I have heard they are a little difficult to make.

I will post some pictures soon.

When you receive bad news after bad news after bad news how do you stay strong?  How do you keep the positive thoughts in and the negative out? 

Since the week before Christmas the bad news has been coming full force. Every week there is more and more bad news about my mom.  It started with a tumor in her brain, then they found six.  She starts radiation and week later she is doubled over in abdominal pain.  They run a CT and find a lesion on her ribs.  Then the pain intensifies and they finally decide to a full body scan and find several large tumors on her liver...they are spreading like wildfire and I don't understand any of it. 

My mom's cancer is now Stage 4, one year later from originally being diagnosed with breast cancer. They have given her only three months to live...two months have already passed.  I don't think about the time every day but it when it is late and I am missing her I can't help but go there.

On Friday, January 13th (yes Friday the 13th) my dad called me and I knew the news was not good.  He was crying and told me that mom had taken a turn for the worse and it was time for me to come home.  I can honestly say in that moment my whole life changed.  I couldn't think, breathe or move.  I panicked.  I absolutely panicked.  My mother in law was at my house within 5 minutes helping me pack and think of everything I needed to take with me.  It was so incredibly hard.


My mom did make it through that night and she is still hanging on and fighting hard.  I spent 2 weeks with her and it was the most wonderful and precious 2 weeks of my life.  My last night there she wanted to hold me, so I climbed in her bed and she held me...just like when I was a little girl!  I am headed back up there in a few weeks and I cannot wait.  I love my mom so much and she truly is the bravest person I know.

So how do you stay strong when you are faced with such sadness and heartbreak?  Well that is easy.  You look to God!  God is the only one who will get you through the hard times, because He will carry you when the load becomes to much to bear.  He will hold your hand and tell you He loves you!  He will remind you that your loved one has been hand picked to go and be with Jesus! God loves me and He loves my mom and when it is time He will take my mom in His loving arms and she will once again be reunited with her son and her mother.

I know my mom is in God's hands. I still pray every single day that He will make her His miracle.  I pray for His heeling hands to touch her and make her well.  I still want more time with her and I know that I have no control over any of it but whatever happens my faith will get me through it.  If you don't have faith what do you have? 

As most of you know my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer this time last year and spent most of 2011 doing chemo.  She had been doing great despite the fact they had to stop her treatment early due to it effecting her heart. 

A few months ago my mom started seeing double vision and after a visit to the eye doctor he thought she had had a stroke so he ordered an MRI to be done to see if anymore damage had been done to her brain.  Sadly the MRI results showed a tumor in her brain.  The tumor was causing the double vision and the memory issues.  She has to begin radiation immediately.  The kids and I are headed up north this weekend to spend some time with her and be with her as she starts her treatment.  This has been one of the hardest weeks of my life but now my game face is on and I am going to stay strong for my mom! 

Please continue to pray for all of those suffering from cancer or any disease! 

I cannot believe the last time I blogged was September 14th!  I have no good excuse other than we have been crazy busy since moving.  I really don't even know where to start.  We love our new house and more importantly we love you new neighborhood.   Today Maiya asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I told her that I have everything that I have ever wanted and she just looked at me confused.  I told her that all I wanted for Christmas was for our family to live in a neighborhood with lots of kids and friends and we have that now so I don't need anything.  She said "Aww, but I want you to have a present under the tree!"  I though it was pretty cute!

The kids are doing great!  They both love school and are doing very well.  We are in full swing of the holidays.  I am room mom for Maiya's class and I was so nervous at first but I am really enjoying it.  I also love that I get to volunteer in Andrew's class once a week and that is a lot of fun and very rewarding. 

Andrew celebrated his sixth birthday last month.  We had a party with his new friends and I think he had the best time ever.  He tells me all the time how happy he is that we moved here because of all his friends.  

Our house is fully decorated for Christmas including outdoor decorations.  This is the first time we have actually done outside lights and the kids were so excited to help.  Now I just have to get my Christmas shopping done.  I did venture out for Black Friday and that was fun, but a lot of what I need this year wasn't apart of the sales, but nonetheless is was fun to get out there. 

In the even that you don't hear from me until after Christmas I want to wish all of my friends and family a very Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year!  I hope that your lives are blessed and full of love!  I know mine is!

Maiya started her first year of preschool last Tuesday.  While we were in carpool line I asked her if she was excited and she said yes, then I asked her if she was nervous and she looks at me and says "Nope!  When can I go in?"  I told her she had to wait until a teacher came and got her out of the car and then finally it was her turn.  My stomach was in knots but she hops out of the car and without even looking back at me she says "I love you mommy!"  

When I picked her up she was so excited.  She loved school and couldn't stop talking about her first day.  She said she loved everything but that she was upset because it rained and they couldn't go out on the playground.  I asked her if she missed and she said "No, I had too much fun!"  Her teacher brought her out to the car yesterday and told me that Maiya is her saving grace in the class and she absolutely adores her.   I love hearing that about my kids...and to think I was worried about Maiya being a trouble maker.  LOL!

 

This has been an absolutely crazy month!  I am actually really glad it is almost over, I am ready to go back to a "normal" sense of life.  Ha is there such a thing?

We are now just a week and half away from moving into our new beautiful home!  Our walk through is Thursday and then we close the following Wednesday.  We are all so excited and cannot wait, but as excited as I know I am, the kids are a million times more excited!  This new neighborhood is amazing!  There are so many kids for Andrew and Maiya to play with, in fact we have already had several play dates with some of our new neighbors (and we haven't even moved in yet!)  Everyone is so friendly and nice and it is going to be a great new beginning for our family!

Andrew is doing great in kindergarten.  We have curriculum night tomorrow at his school so I am looking forward to going to that.  He is really coming into his own this year, I can already see how much he has grown in the first month of school.

Maiya starts her first day of preschool next week and I cannot believe it.  She is only going 2 days a week but I know she will love.  We got to meet her teacher last week and she is super nice and sweet.  I am the room mom so that should be interesting considering I have never done it before.  Maiya is LOVING ballet.  She gets so excited when Tuesday rolls around. 

My mom's chemo treatments have been canceled indefinitely because her heart cannot take anymore. The doctor said that she has a 50/50 chance of it coming back since she was not able to complete the remaining 9 months of treatment so I am going to pray that we are on the side of it not coming back.  She of course she is worried but going to just focus on the good things and do her best to stay positive. 

Andy and I are doing great!  We are excited about this new chapter in our lives and are excited for the future!

Maiya was born to be a star!  This week she had her first ballet class and I don't think she ever stopped smiling. From the time we bought her outfit on Monday until she took it off after class on Tuesday she smiled.  She absolutely loved every minute of it! My face hurt when we left because just watching her I couldn't stop smiling either.

and all the woman out there fighting against cancer!

On Thursday Andrew started kindergarten!  He did great getting on the bus and wasn't too nervous, but I was a wreck.  I could not stop crying...I wasn't sobbing out of control like some crazy mom, but I was definitely having a hard time keeping it in.  My only saving grace was that I had to meet another mom for breakfast so I got myself under control pretty quickly and headed off to her house.  Then I hear Maiya crying and I thought she hurt herself.  I asked her what was wrong and by this time she was crying really hard and she said "I miss Andrew!"  It broke my heart but was so sweet at the same time.  Once Maiya was feeling better we headed off to our friend's house where we decided we needed some emotional support so we went to the PTA sponsored breakfast at the school and then I went back to her house for a playdate.   We had a great time and it made the day go by so much faster.  I highly recommend having an emotional support playdate!

I was so excited when Andrew got off the bus to ask about his day.  He was really upset because he had forgot his water bottle and the bus was really hot but I got him some water and he started to feel better.  He did not enjoy the first day so much, but he loved the second day so I think it will just be an adjustment for him.  He has made friends on the bus and at school which is very important considering everything he went through at preschool.
I can't wait to hear about his day everyday!  So much fun!

In just a week my son will start kindergarten.  He will get on the bus at 7:30 and get home at 3:30.  A whole day without his mommy.  A whole day without my boy.  How will he cope?  How will I cope?  The funny thing is I know he will do amazingly well and the truth is I am not really all that worried about him...I am worried about me.  I am and always have been a very emotional person especially when it comes to my kids.  I would be very content if they stayed little forever and never left me, but since I know that won't happen I just cry with each major milestone.  

Don't get me wrong I am so excited for Andrew and I have been great at cheering him on.  It isn't until I check on him after he is asleep that I wonder "when did he get so big?"    When did my first born become a kindergartner?   Well if you are a first time parent or about to become one let me tell you the answer...it feels like overnight!  So hug them and love them and when the time comes for them to get on that bus cheer for them because it will be hard for them, but it will be harder for you to let them go!

Below is a great story a friend shared with me!  Enjoy!

In the months leading up to Maiya turning three to two months after she turned three my baby girl is showing me that there is not much baby left in her.  She decided to hit all these grown up stages close together and I am not prepared to say goodbye to my baby just yet.  In the last four months she has transitioned to a big girl bed, potty trained (which only took a day and half), takes a shower and now she writes her name!  She knows how to write just about every letter in the alphabet and loves learning.  She amazes me everyday!  I can't wait to see how much she learns when she actually starts preschool in September.

My Grafico is having a 40% off sale.  If you like to scrapbook or other crafts this is a great site.  Check them out!  Sale is tomorrow July 14th only!

Every year we rent a house and we go to the beach with my husband's family.  We used to go in September after everyone went back to school and things were a little less crazy.  However this year with Andrew starting Kindergarten we had to go in May, so that meant that Maiya's birthday would be celebrated at the beach!  What a lucky girl if you ask me. 

She decided she wanted her theme to be Little Mermaid so we made it a beach Little Mermaid theme and we all had a great time.  She was so excited and loved every second of her party.  I think it was by far the best party she has ever had...not to mention the best guests...FAMILY!

My mom is an amazing woman.  She has been going through chemotherapy since March and will have to undergo 11 more months before she will be done.  She has six more weeks in her second round which she has to go to every week.  She is staying strong though and I am so proud of her.

In May my mom gave us all quite a scare.  She got really sick and was admitted into the hospital for a week.  She had developed pneumonia and they could not keep her oxygen levels up.  She ended up getting a blood transfusion when her blood cell count dropped dramatically low and once they did that she started to get better much faster.  They did find some new spots on her back and ribs but decided that if it was cancer all the chemo she had left would take care of it.  We are all praying they are gone in 11 months.  She also has a broken bone in her back and that has been causing her huge amounts of pain.  There is nothing they can do for the broken bone, that will just have to heal on its own.

Even through all of this my mom is staying strong.  It is hard but she is a tough woman. She is my hero and I love her so much.  I am so excited to be going back up to be with her next month...and the kids are too!





 

Okay so I am really far behind on posts.  I am working on getting caught up but it is going to take me a while.

Since Andrew's preschool graduation was May 12th I thought that would be a good place to start...not to mention it was the cutest thing I had ever seen.  Watching all these little kids walk down the isle to Pomp and Circumstance in their caps and gowns was absolutely adorable.   They all were smiling ear to ear with pride and it was awesome!  I am so proud of Andrew.  When I think back to the start of this preschool year and all the problems we had at the old school to where he was on this day it brings tears to my eyes.  He has grown so much in a short time and I couldn't be more proud of him.  I still can't believe he will be in kindergarten in six weeks but I know that he is going to LOVE it!

After the graduation ceremony several of us met at the fountain to let the kids play.  We had a wonderful time and I met some really amazing people!

Summer is finally approaching and I couldn't be happier.  I want the warm weather to come and stay and I want to be able to relax and enjoy the time with my kids.  Parts of this year have been amazing and other parts have been hard and confusing, but I am looking forward to the next chapter in my life.

Maiya is about to celebrate her 3rd birthday and she will be surrounded by those who love her the most.  She will also begin her first year of preschool in the fall and hopefully a ballet class. 

Andrew will start Kindergarten next year and is not quite as nervous as he was earlier (I think he is actually starting to get excited about it).  He has been playing baseball and has loved it, so we look forward to the fall season.

My mom is still fighting hard.  She has had several set backs and the one she is going through now is huge but I have faith that God will be with her and us each step of the way and she will end up on the winning side. 

I don't know what the future holds for me.  I do know that some of it is going to be sad and heartbreaking, but I also know that it is going to a fun and crazy ride.  I look forward to it!

Another Easter has passed us and what a wonderful weekend it was!  We started the weekend with a double header baseball game on Saturday for Andrew and then had a wonderful warm sunny day on Sunday.  It was perfect!

Here are some picture from the festivities!